APRILDA75

On Sept 26th, I started Paleo…a diet on crack. I eliminated all sugars, alcohol, dairy, grains and starches from my diet. To be honest, I didn’t think it would be that big a deal, I already ate like a freak. 

I was a carnivore, a total meat-a-saur-ous. Getting protein wasn’t a problem. I like a healthy variety of veggies, so no real issue there. But boy-howdy do I love cheese…and yogurt…and cheese.  Only occasionally, I like to indulge in a bready something-or-other like pizza or crackers, maybe toast. And once in a blue moon I’ll have roasted potatoes, whole grain pasta. And if we’re thinking crazy, on a seldom date, I can’t turn down a mighty slice of carrot cake with a dollop of super yummo cream cheese frosting. 

But I wanted to be stronger and faster. I was willing to go the distance! It totally sucked…I didn’t go crazy, constantly crave irrational things, curse the cheese gods or anything. And in 7 days I lost 5 pounds! But for like the first 3 weeks I was emotional, easily disgusted, kind of judgmental, leveled out at weight loss in the first week, and didn’t sleep all that awesome. And, all I could think about every day? PIZZA. Cheesey, bready, yummy pizza. Couldn’t get it off my brain all month!

I also pulled boner moves like getting myself lodged in the McD’s line for a treat of hazelnut coffee, just to realize that I couldn’t get the shot of hazelnut and now I was just in line to get a crappy cup of coffee from McDonald’s of all the ridiculously ironic places.

Then some awesome things happened:
*All my clothes started falling off me.

*After an extra-special kick in the ass by my coaches, I found I actually was faster and stronger than before. 

*I slept like a baby with a belly full of milk every.single.night.

*I was very, very, very regular…you know, the gross kind of regular.

*At a party, I could recall every fact for others from the evening and had the privilege of safely delivering some of my friends from the bar.

Then finally! Oct 29 pulled around and I got to break my Paleo. It was one of those things that I endured by keeping an expiration date on it.

Then some other funny things happened…:
*I kept on eating Paleo…what was wrong with me?

*When offered a brownie, I waved it away…

*When choosing dinner, I automatically took out some meat to thaw and planned coordinating veggies.

*Went grocery shopping, I stayed in the perimeter and bought everything I had for the past 5 weeks…passing the dairy section right up! Got home and started chopping and preparing veggies for easy eating!

*The kids dumped out their Halloween buckets, and I didn’t dive for my favorite pieces (convincing them that they didn’t really like that kind anyway :)).

Another funny thing…I finally busted through some of my goals: I am doing pull ups, double unders, and kipping into a handstand. Seriously? It took the end of my challenge for all this?? Friends and acquaintances are (suddenly) noting the change in my body with “Wow-za!” and “Did you always have shoulders like that?” (yeah, I actually got a wowza, lol)

Now don’t get me wrong, I did celebrate the end of the challenge. We called it “breaking Paleo” and I did it right! First off, I drank. Let me rephrase… I got schnocked in a huge, huge way (as it turns out, not drinking for 5 weeks and diving in old school will knock you on your ass and keep you at the toilet for HOURS afterwards…whew. You’d think that wouldn’t be a lesson I had to “learn”, doi).

Next, I ate PIZZA. Not just some pizza, a whole butt load, the entire load of a butt! Thin crust, deep dish, meat lovers, buff style, alfredo…plus, pasta, cinnamon rolls and dessert apple pizza. It was a big day, that buffet had no idea what it was in for!

Then I waited for the aftermath…the horrible cramps; the sick, nauseated feeling; the intense, ravenous cravings. Nothing. Not a damn thing. Now I’m back to normal, which is to say…I guess, Paleo. Like it’s my real life. Crap…I better start a cycle of regularly breaking Paleo, so I can beat down a pizza buffet, or indulge in lovely piece of carrot cake. Dammit, mouth just watered. Time to break Paleo…j/k :)

5 Paleo Foods to Fuel Your Crossfit Diet!

Spoiler! They are:

EGGS
BROCCOLI
BANANAS
SALMON
ALMONDS 

Bad CrossFit Gym Etiquette (by CFOvids)…P.S. “The Ghost Rider” is likely my boyfriend :)

It doesn’t say “breasts”, I thought it did at first…and it totally still applied :)

There are 2 types of guys in my universe:

The ones who can deal with girlmotions, and those who cannot.

Coincidentally, at Crossfit I have 2 coaches. They yin and yang each other…which works out pretty well. And totally follow the rules of guys in my universe. **Names have been changed to protect…the innocent ;)

One is super-charged-chock-full-o-energy: Zenergy**

One is thinking-it-out-silently, introspective, mellow: Erellow**

Since I started Zenergy** has always been vocal with encouragement, praise and feedback. Erellow**, at least before I got to know him, I believed was constantly disappointed with me. Very silent, you either got the “up-nod”, or he just big fat turned on his heel and walked away. “what the hell”, I’d fume inside my head, “did I do a good job or not?”. As it turns out, Erellow is a guy guy, who does not do well with “girlmotions”.

What the hell is a girlmotion?? Let me illustrate. So, you’ve got your basic emotions:

    Happy             Sad                Angry               Scared           Nervous           Excited          Frustrated

Ok, so you think this is it, but-no, girlmotions go a bit further-yeah yeah, we’re all hormonal and about to get our period any second, whatever. Most girls will take these regular “basic” emotions and give them uppers. Emotions on crack, if you will- OR girlmotions :)

For whatever reason, Zenergy handles girlmotions pretty well. Erellow, not so much. The following are real-life examples to illustrate girlmotions. The coach’s reactions to the same types of phrases, used by the ladies of NKC Crossfit-then given the corresponding girlmotion, so you can easily identify in the future:

Girl: Booya, first Double Unders!!!
Other Ladies: *hugs* Woooo hooo!!! You rock, totally awesome!
Z: *high fives*, *high fives again*. All you needed to do was get out of your head! See?!?
E: *slight grin*, *up-nod*
Girlmotion:
*I’m walking on sunshine…whoa-oo, and don’t it feel GOOD!*

Girl: I’m really nervous about this workout!
Other Lady: Oh me too, butterflies in my tum! *both look at coach*
Z: You’ve got to game this one! *punches fist into other hand for emphasis*
E: Well…don’t. *shifts hat from frontward to backward*
Girlmotion:
*do not throw up, you will NOT throw up…*

Girl: I need a break
Fellow Lady: *looks over in sympathy* You’re almost done, push!
Z: You don’t need a break, you need to FINISH! Rest when you’re done…
E: *shifts cap* *scowls*
Girlmotion:
*dammit if I take a drink of water, I’m in for 10 bucking furpees*

Girl: *crying, angry*
Other Lady: *not present, (totally would have hugged crying girl though)*
Z: Guys solve problems, so I am going to keep on talking to you through this.
E: *quickly removes himself to office*
Girlmotion:
(C’mon that’s hilarious…Dawson’s a huge bawl-baby)

Girl: Umm, do you have some triple antibiotic? I just tore the hell out of my legs
Other Ladies: OMG!! Are you ok?? That looks AWFUL *covers mouth with both hands*
Z: Who cares, you climbed the rope 4 times and blew that time out!
E: Yeah, that looks pretty bad, here’s some Neosporin.
Girlmotion:
*I know I actually just have the one, tiny scratch, but it feels like it takes up this much of my face*

So there you have it, the clear yet subjective difference between regular emotions and girlmotions. This proves it’s important to know your audience. As a girl, find yourself an environment that can handle both types of __motion, otherwise you’ll either get stuck as a band-aid face or a van der beek. And nobody wants that!!

Can you tell which is which? Try to ignore the lurker…JENNY

I read an article today comparing Crossfit to a cult of sorts. It made me lol, then it made me go “Oh, yes, that’s the appeal”. It’s not my first brush with cult(ure) groups. I used to run with this play group, we were like a gang with toddlers. Our veracity is pretty obvious

and without the kids (b/c, come on, they were basically just our gathering excuse)

Seems pretty harmless, but many outside friends, significant others and family pondered my loyalty, protectiveness and need to preserve my presence with this cult(ure) of girls whom I love so much.

But then the kids grew up…and so did our gang-flavor :)

And perhaps got a bit scarier…

Today, most of these women are still a huge part of my life, even though our kids aren’t rolling around together all pudgy anymore…one day I’ll post our naked mommy picture we sent to another blog to celebrate our fierceness. But until then…

…we evolve and find new things to be a huge part of our lives…for me? Enter Crossfit:

I love my cult. This is our box, and part of our family.

I love eating like a weirdo and making it sound totally normal when I’m at a restaurant.

I love showing up at Brandy’s right after a workout looking like I just wrestled a bear (and kind of smelling like I did too).

I love grunting out a rep.

I love comparing DL weights.

I love that butterfly feeling in my tum when I read the WOD.

I love saying “no, no, I can’t jump that high…I’ve got the fear”. Then totally jumping that high.

I love high-five’s, blow-it-up’s and sweaty jumping hugs.

I love getting to wear socks up to my knees with skulls on them and calling it my workout-wear.

I love having girly nails on one side of my hands and hard calluses on the other.

I love checking for approval from my coaches; one looks ready to charge you and the other totally disappointed.

I love walking into Pricechopper and realizing I have chalk handprints on my clothes.

I love that my 5 year old daughter understands language in terms of WOD, KB, Overheads, the box, cash out, kipping, paleo and GXDs.

I love the whiteboard and questing for the “Rx” by my name.

I love saying things like “Fran says RelaX”, and people giggle b/c they get it.

I love Smashley and the Paleo Monster.

I love it when a fellow crossfitter says “damn, are you a runner?” (b/c boy-howdy, I am NOT)

I love saying things like “yeah, our box is attending Barbells for Boobies”.

I love crazy-awesome battle wounds

(Kettlebells did this to me, bastards)

I love being stronger than I was yesterday…because my cult(ure) made me that way!

…and just in case you’re interested, here is that article :)

http://www.menshealth.com/fitness/cult-crossfit

Definition: Small puff of skin and fat just peeking over/under the seams of clothing. Not to be confused with “muffin top”, which is exclusive to the top of a pants band and an excessive amount of fat (see examples below).

Smooge usually affects populations of those not truly overweight, and of generally healthy self-esteem. Smooge most often rears its ugly head when the smooger is “asking a bit too much” out of their clothing. Primarily a female issue, but has been known to strike males as well. So WATCH OUT!!

Uses: When witnessing smooge, it is always best to look away and let it go. Smooge is not like having your zipper down or food in your teeth. The wearer already knows it is there and doesn’t want you to call attention to it. Doing so will result in hurt feelings, dirty looks, reduced self esteem and a potential crack at your own appearance-proceed with caution.

When a person complains of feeling/ or having a/ “smoogey (adj) day”, it is best to downplay the situation with statements such as “HARDLY!”, or “well, barely, no one can even tell”, or “you know, we all get a little smoogey sometimes” (my personal fav). This person will instantly become your friend, which will come in handy during other crisis’.

It is important to note that this word and its use is officially coined by April (the magnificent), and in so, it must be used properly, never abused, and never, EVER used as a weapon…I will know, and it will be bad.

Examples of smooge:

Classic Smooge, mostly smooths out when she stands up…the beer will eventually turn this to a full-blown muffin top *sigh*…

She’s asking more than a little bit too much out of those jeans…and her friend has already skidded straight past smooge. Cute tramp stamp though…

Other occasions of smooge, this can strike anywhere people!

True muffin here, and the sad result of smooge not being kept in check!! Millions affected, be aware!!

The anti-smooge. This isn’t me, but damn, she’s HOT!! What is that, a turtle shell?

After much consideration (pressure)…I have chosen (was forced) to begin the Paleo challenge for my health (bragging rights). Unlike most Libras, I am made of willpower (that is a big, fat lie). I actually have a hard time committing to anything (except keeping up with True Blood-ahhh Sookie). But for some reason, when it comes to devoting myself (shock therapy) to a diet, I win (somehow manage to not end up in front of the fridge squirting cheese straight from the can into my mouth).

In the past I have been motivated by swim suits, fear of dry spells and the airbrushed awesomeness of every cover model on Fitness and Shape magazine. This time I am motivated by a drive to be a better athlete for my Crossfit team and that’s kinda new :) I am not new to fitness (I’m actually bordering on crone) and nutrition just already goes with it. I’m pretty sure more than one guy/friend has stopped seeing me based solely on how weird I eat. And I’m more than certain that more than one guy/friend has tried to sabotage my efforts. Yeah, I get it, but for some reason that’s where the unpredicted unLibralike willpower kicks in and oozes all over the place!

So, I already have a reduced carb, non-starch, high protein diet. But it could really use some cleaning up. Making some changes, dairy-gone; grains-gone. All processed sugars….ALL of them-GONE. Read this thing, it’s super long and not nearly as entertaining as I am http://www.facebook.com/notes/metabolic-effect/what-is-wrong-with-grains-and-dairy/218600241529999

You know what, nevermind, it’s an awful lot of dry words. Let me sum up: The consumption of grains and dairy are fairly new and (even though less drastically) processed foods. By maintaining a diet high in fiber- & iron- rich veggies plus lots an lots of meat you are given all the energy, storage and building components you need to create a lean, awesome body. Maybe not as awesome as mine, but as awesome as yours has the potential to be (which, let’s face it, is probably better anyway).

So here’s what you need to know so far:

Nutrition is 80% (at least) of making you fit. If you ignore it you will be fat and less generally healthy regardless of how many calories you burned in your super hot yoga-lates cardio kick pumper class.

Not all carbs are created equal and the ones you CAN live without come in a box or bag or are potatoey, bready, crackery, ricey, beany, starchy. The ones you CANNOT live without are veggies, the greener the better, the fresher the better. Everything else just falls moderately in the middle.

Eat meat, a lot of it, stop being so scared of it. It will not try to eat you back.

You can call it good if it has a face or you can harvest it (what’s that? Where do you harvest tofu, exactly? Yeah, exactly, you ding dong-put down that ding dong!)

Yvonne and I are excited to get started, how can you argue with this logic? :)

I’m on day 2, so I haven’t lost my mind yet. Evidently that will start tomorrow. Til then!!

Girly hands…pull upping, deadlifting, clean & jerking, triceps dipping girly hands. And that was just today!