On Sept 26th, I started Paleo…a diet on crack. I eliminated all sugars, alcohol, dairy, grains and starches from my diet. To be honest, I didn’t think it would be that big a deal, I already ate like a freak.
I was a carnivore, a total meat-a-saur-ous. Getting protein wasn’t a problem. I like a healthy variety of veggies, so no real issue there. But boy-howdy do I love cheese…and yogurt…and cheese. Only occasionally, I like to indulge in a bready something-or-other like pizza or crackers, maybe toast. And once in a blue moon I’ll have roasted potatoes, whole grain pasta. And if we’re thinking crazy, on a seldom date, I can’t turn down a mighty slice of carrot cake with a dollop of super yummo cream cheese frosting.
But I wanted to be stronger and faster. I was willing to go the distance! It totally sucked…I didn’t go crazy, constantly crave irrational things, curse the cheese gods or anything. And in 7 days I lost 5 pounds! But for like the first 3 weeks I was emotional, easily disgusted, kind of judgmental, leveled out at weight loss in the first week, and didn’t sleep all that awesome. And, all I could think about every day? PIZZA. Cheesey, bready, yummy pizza. Couldn’t get it off my brain all month!
I also pulled boner moves like getting myself lodged in the McD’s line for a treat of hazelnut coffee, just to realize that I couldn’t get the shot of hazelnut and now I was just in line to get a crappy cup of coffee from McDonald’s of all the ridiculously ironic places.
Then some awesome things happened:
*All my clothes started falling off me.
*After an extra-special kick in the ass by my coaches, I found I actually was faster and stronger than before.
*I slept like a baby with a belly full of milk every.single.night.
*I was very, very, very regular…you know, the gross kind of regular.
*At a party, I could recall every fact for others from the evening and had the privilege of safely delivering some of my friends from the bar.
Then finally! Oct 29 pulled around and I got to break my Paleo. It was one of those things that I endured by keeping an expiration date on it.
Then some other funny things happened…:
*I kept on eating Paleo…what was wrong with me?
*When offered a brownie, I waved it away…
*When choosing dinner, I automatically took out some meat to thaw and planned coordinating veggies.
*Went grocery shopping, I stayed in the perimeter and bought everything I had for the past 5 weeks…passing the dairy section right up! Got home and started chopping and preparing veggies for easy eating!
*The kids dumped out their Halloween buckets, and I didn’t dive for my favorite pieces (convincing them that they didn’t really like that kind anyway :)).
Another funny thing…I finally busted through some of my goals: I am doing pull ups, double unders, and kipping into a handstand. Seriously? It took the end of my challenge for all this?? Friends and acquaintances are (suddenly) noting the change in my body with “Wow-za!” and “Did you always have shoulders like that?” (yeah, I actually got a wowza, lol)
Now don’t get me wrong, I did celebrate the end of the challenge. We called it “breaking Paleo” and I did it right! First off, I drank. Let me rephrase… I got schnocked in a huge, huge way (as it turns out, not drinking for 5 weeks and diving in old school will knock you on your ass and keep you at the toilet for HOURS afterwards…whew. You’d think that wouldn’t be a lesson I had to “learn”, doi).
Next, I ate PIZZA. Not just some pizza, a whole butt load, the entire load of a butt! Thin crust, deep dish, meat lovers, buff style, alfredo…plus, pasta, cinnamon rolls and dessert apple pizza. It was a big day, that buffet had no idea what it was in for!
Then I waited for the aftermath…the horrible cramps; the sick, nauseated feeling; the intense, ravenous cravings. Nothing. Not a damn thing. Now I’m back to normal, which is to say…I guess, Paleo. Like it’s my real life. Crap…I better start a cycle of regularly breaking Paleo, so I can beat down a pizza buffet, or indulge in lovely piece of carrot cake. Dammit, mouth just watered. Time to break Paleo…j/k :)